Tag Archives: fear of dying

The Art of Letting Go

pain
unwinds
hold me tight
fingers entwined
throughout the long night
as fear churns through my mind
awaken me from bad dreams
quiet my screams as darkness falls
grotesque shadows dance upon my walls
the light at the end of the tunnel glows
the point of no return, nobody knows
though grains of sand are trickling fast
our opportunities have passed
albeit through storms and strife
fused together, one life
my anchor, my rock
love pure and true
I am lost
without
you

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2023
November 9, 2023

Dear Family and Friends,

There is just so much heartbreak in the world these days, so much pain. Being an empath, it seeps underneath my skin and eats away at my soul some days. It is hard to just shake off, sometimes I listen to music to try and purge it out of my being. But pieces of the sadness remain and fester.

When I am sick, these feelings intensify and emotion wells up inside me until I can release it in some way – talking, writing, crying…. I wrote snippets of this on the plane coming home from Florida, still struggling physically from the aftermath of COVID, exhausted and missing my love so badly. Feeling like I had no control in my life, feeling hopeless, having trouble catching my breath…..

Would I ever feel better again after COVID, how long would it take to get my health back this time around? The first time took months. So many negative thoughts drowning out the positivity and gratitude I have for my wonderful life! Then I get angry and frustrated at myself for feeling this way. It’s a vicious circle. Things could be worse, how lucky I am to be as healthy as I have been thus far in life. But I’m an impatient woman who doesn’t like to be held back by anything, especially a damned manufactured virus!

No, patience has never been one of my virtues. My poker face is transparent, and I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I am that person who has it written all over her face, with eye rolls and sighs. Anxiety has ruled my seas, and at times whipped into a frenzy and debilitating. Some days it feels like I’m drowning. It’s hard to breathe at times, it makes me fearful, bad dreams, worrying about the future, what if I get sick, what if he gets sick, we’re getting older, how much time do we have left? Will my Mom be okay, my husband, my kids, my grandkids? It all spins about in my head, psychedelic COVID dreams taunt me, and I wake in a cold sweat. Then I open my eyes and breathe. I am alive. I am human. I will be okay. Life will go on. Things will get better. One day at a time.

So that’s what this poem is about – being in the grips of anxiety and dealing with one’s fear about the future. Hang tight, and keep on going, my friends and family. I love you!
xoxo, Colleen

Ecrits Blogophilia Week 19.15 – Opportunity
Hard Bonus: Include a song title by Andrew Lloyd Weber (“The Light At the End of the Tunnel”; “Point of No Return”)
Easy Bonus: Use the word “albeit”