Tag Archives: anxiety

Caged Bird

When daylight turns to darkness
Gray clouds of despair take wing
Shrouded in fear and sorrow
The caged bird cannot sing.

Drained of joy and self-regard
Feeling beat down, chained, confined
One step forward, two steps back
Dark thoughts tumble through my mind.

Don’t use your words as weapons
You have no power over me
Don’t try to crush my spirit
This caged bird will be free.

An angel comes to visit
In the shadows of the night
Releasing guilt and bondage
And the caged bird takes flight.

Step out of the cold darkness
Spread your wings and soar so high
A slave no more, flying free
Like a diamond in the sky.

Don’t use your words as weapons
You have no power over me
Don’t try to crush my spirit
This caged bird is finally free.

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2021
October 8, 2021

I wrote this poem for the Instagram group Her Growth Collective, @hergrowthcollective. I decided to combine the topics from the last two weeks – “Self-Regard” and “Guilt.” I had been working on this poem/song lyric for about a week. Tying in these prompts brought it all together.

Do you have low self-esteem or self-regard? Do you suffer from intense feelings of guilt?

I sure do! In fact, I think these two things tend to go hand-in-hand. I have a very bad habit of putting myself down, being hyper critical of myself or minimizing my thoughts and emotions. I can also remember always having this burning sense of guilt over something I did or did not do, even as a young child.

I am not sure if something happened in my childhood to cause this, perhaps being raised a strict Catholic and/or going to a Catholic school with nuns driving down this sense of guilt, shame and self-loathing. More likely it’s merely an inherited personality trait. These feelings intensified as I became an adult and multiplied exponentially once I became a mother. I think we all tend to put ourselves last, especially mothers. Self-care becomes an unreachable dream that we never seem to be able to achieve or make time for. It is always last on the to-do list.

Just one week ago, I left a job and organization which I truly loved after 8 years of dedication…. I will spare the details, but I had to make the choice to leave for personal reasons. It had simply become necessary for my survival. I finally had to put the oxygen mask on myself and practice self-care.  Not to sound dramatic, but I am still in the early stages of decompressing. A plethora of emotions are swirling inside me, but I am finally free of certain things that had become extremely unhealthy and toxic to me personally. I am breathing easier and taking time for myself without any fears. I know my own self-worth and nobody else dictates that. I know that I deserve this. No need to feel guilty for finally taking care of myself first.

We all deserve to live a life free of emotional bondage. If you are suffering from low self-esteem or guilt that you can pinpoint on one thing in your life, do yourself a favor. Be kind to yourself. Set yourself free.

Colleen M. Breuning © 2021
October 8, 2021