reality – Colleen Keller Breuning

Unbroken

Unbroken

I
hover
in darkness
looking for light
the minutes tick by
waiting with bated breath
countdown to imminent death
from the graveyard, the spirits cry
hanging in the icy air of night
reality shines, eyesight to the blind
shivering as memories cloud my mind
leaving my loneliness unbroken
heart ravaged by words unspoken
hold on ‘til the bitter end
my spirit shall transcend
standing in the fray
with the heart-felt
promise of
New Year’s
Day

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2023
January 7, 2023

Happy New Year! It’s my first blog for 2023. I am glad that 2022 came to a close, there were lots of ups and downs for our families last year. Many happy memories were made, but we experienced the shocking death of Dan’s brother Bob in April and his oldest brother has been suffering with major health issues since July. It really opens your eyes to our own mortality and the realization to live life to your fullest.

We are all getting older and experiencing our own aches, pains and illnesses. In the past 13 months I’ve had COVID, pneumonia, bronchitis, multiple sinus infections, and gall bladder surgery. I am extremely healthy and very active, but experienced long COVID with lingering respiratory and fatigue issues. All the other sickness followed COVID, which makes you wonder how badly it affects our immune systems. Those of you who know me know that I don’t have a lot of patience for being under the weather. I don’t have time for that but have learned this year that I need to make time. Self-care is so important. Even doing little things like making sure you get enough water to drink each day can make a huge impact on your general health and how much energy you have!

I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions, I just believe in always striving to be the best I can be, whether that is in my home life, my health, my job, etc. One thing I did achieve last year is that I lost about 15 pounds last year using the Noom app, and I feel great. It was a slow, intentional loss that happened over several months. It is based on the psychology of eating, and helps you identify eating habits and make changes. You basically log weight, food, exercise and water into the app, and progress through the course. I want to keep that weight off, because I feel so much better in my skin. There were no food restrictions, keto, paleo, intermittent fasting or crazy diets involved. It was more of an intentional mental shift to eat mindfully and healthy, in moderation, and cut down on portions and be accountable to yourself. That being said, I gave myself grace and still splurged over the holidays, enjoying the things I love: Christmas candy, cookies, wine, champagne, shrimp and cocktail sauce, mashed potatoes with gravy, corn pudding, etc. I just did it in moderation, and I tried not to continue a binge of these things.

This weekend is dedicated to one of my least favorite tasks: undecorating the house. Yep, all the Christmas decorations are coming down, the tree will be dismantled and the “gift shop” closed until next year. (That’s what Dan jokingly calls our house when it gets fully decked out for Christmas). It is always kind of sad, but it’s necessary. I feel the urge to get everything back to normal now. Busy season is already upon us, and I’ll be working major overtime beginning next week. I wish you all a Happy New Year and lots of love!

xoxo
Colleen

Mood: Reflective
Inspiration “Time” by Hans Zimmer – amazing composer!!

Ecrits Blogophilia Week 27.14 Topic: Keeping Up With Time
Hard Bonus: Include an Edgar Allen Poe line or quote (“hanging in the icy air of night” and “leave my loneliness unbroken”)
Easy Bonus: Mention shrimp and cocktail sauce

Between Black and White

Between Black and White

Between black and white, there lies a lot of gray.
Colors mingle, fading away in a torrent of tears.
I was stuck in the past, longing for yesterday…
Caught up in a tangled web of pain and fears.

Colors mingle, fading away in a torrent of tears,
Heart crushed beneath an avalanche of sorrow.
Caught up in a tangled web of pain and fears…
The hours slipped away with dread for tomorrow.

Heart crushed beneath an avalanche of sorrow,
Tripping over countless lies and a barrage of sins.
The hours slipped away with dread for tomorrow…
In games of a kid – rock paper scissors – nobody wins.

Tripping over countless lies and a barrage of sins,
I could no longer distinguish between truth or reality.
In games of a kid – rock paper scissors – nobody wins…
When merely breathing seems an exercise in futility.

I could no longer distinguish between truth or reality,
Drowning in a deep pool of denial every single night.
When merely breathing seems an exercise in futility…
I lifted my head, opened my eyes to the purest light.

Drowning in a deep pool of denial every single night,
Replaying the tape in countless loops inside my mind.
I lifted my head, opened my eyes to the purest light…
Finally, a place to rest and leave my troubles behind.

Replaying the tape in countless loops inside my mind,
Searching for answers, testing the limits of my sanity.
Finally, a place to rest and leave my troubles behind…
This was the beginning of my quest for serenity.

Searching for answers, testing the limits of my sanity,
Learning secrets of a dark world I didn’t want to know.
This was the beginning of my quest for serenity…
With the stark realization that I had to let you go.

Learning secrets of a dark world I didn’t want to know,
I slowly gained the strength to cast away the strife
With the stark realization that I had to let you go…
In time, you healed, bringing color back into my life.

I slowly gained the strength to cast away the strife;
I was stuck in the past, longing for yesterday.
In time, you healed, bringing color back into my life…
Between black and white, there lies a lot of gray.

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2015
September 22, 2015

This is a deca-pantoum poem dedicated to my son Vincent. Thank you to all my family and friends who knowingly (and unknowingly) supported our family with love and prayers during our journey…. I am eternally grateful.

A Bitter Pill

Blogophilia 49.3 Topic: “In the Eyes of the Beholder”

Bonus Points:

(Hard, 2 pts): s-p-e-l-l out a word in conversation
(Easy, 1 pt): use the phrase “working together”

Final Date to post: February 8, 2011 GMT midnight

Final Date to post ALL GUESSES: February 5, 2011 GMT midnight

A Bitter Pill

Something is brewing in discontent skies,
Brown palm fronds tremble, the air turns colder.
Out of black clouds tumble heartache and lies…
Truth is in the eyes of the beholder.

Hours pass endless, the phone doesn’t ring,
Churning anxiety, piquing my fears.
My heart being played like violin strings…
Appease me, tell me what I want to hear.

Dread and deceit erupt in a wildfire.
Working together, they engulf my mind.
Out of control, an inferno so dire…
The flames scar my soul, the smoke leaves me blind.

Rise from the ashes, believe what you will…
Reality is such a bitter pill.

Hi there, Blogophiliacs and friends! Just releasing a little dark ink this evening, no worries! I have been reading online about the terrible storms that are ravaging most of the country and bombarding everyone with even more dreaded (dare I say it???) S-N-O-W and I-C-E! I’ve even read some fun poems about it in some of the Facebook notes.

I know it’s hard for anyone to believe, but after spending the last 23 years in the heat & humidity of South Florida, I sometimes find myself longing for a little bit of the white stuff….. but not THAT much!!! No, I’m not trying to rub it in. I grew up in Maryland, and I vividly remember dreading scraping the windshields and driving in the stuff. That was NOT fun. Please stay safe and warm, everyone… and hang tight, spring will be here before you know it!!! xoxo

SECRET BONUS POINT GUESSES:

Great dames (danes), man’s/woman’s best friend, it’s a dog’s life, bathing beauties, beachcombers, beach bums, sepia, strike a pose, she’s got legs, models, golden retrievers, flapper swimsuit, summer dreams, vogue, pinups, postcards from the past.