Blogophilia 15.4 Topic: “Sheer Madness”
(Hard, 2pts): incorporate an animal with fur other than a sloth
(Easy, 1pt): include the Samba
Final date to post: June 14th, 2011 GMT midnight
Final date to post ALL GUESSES: June 11th, 2011 GMT midnight
King Of The Road
Yo, my peeps! It’s Tommy the cat, taking control of my Mom’s blog for the week. She’s been doing chores like cleaning out the garage and organizing things around the house. She’s also been taking an online course the past few weeks, which has her glued in front of the computer. I figured since it has been a while since I last wrote, I would volunteer my services…. But it is always for a fee, of course. Starkist Albacore, to be specific!
The weather has gotten really hot down here in South Florida, so most days Jordan and I like to chill on top of the dining room table. This is always a great vantage point for keeping tabs on what’s happening inside the crib as well as out in front of our house. And I can watch Mom every time she goes out to feed that moocher stray cat, Toby. I’ve kind of gotten used to Toby, I have to admit she is really a pretty mellow female stray cat. Mom has been feeding her for over 3 years now, and they have gotten pretty friendly. Still, I get a little jealous when Mom goes out and sits with her twice a day, especially when I see Toby rubbing her head on Mom’s knee.
One night last week I was taking a nap when all of a sudden I heard this loud, unfamiliar meow outside our front door. It startled me, and I snapped to attention.
“What the….??” I snarled. I jumped on the buffet in front of the window to get a closer look. I saw that black-furred moocher eating out of Toby’s food bowl.
“It’s that loud, promiscuous tomcat, begging for a free meal. I do think he’s been trying to woo Toby. Could have sworn I saw them together in the bushes by the fountain,” Jordan stated.
Lately Toby had taken to sleeping underneath the fountain outside the front window. It provides shade from the hot summer sun, and she likes to hop up on the side and drink water out of it. For some reason, this really gets under my skin.
Next thing you know, Mom actually got up from the computer, tiptoed up to the front door and peeked out the peephole.
“Look, Tommy!! We’ve got a new black cat to feed. I’ve named him Shadow. Did you see him?”
What am I, a moron? Of course, I see him! Who do you think has been keeping tabs on that moocher? I’ve seen him do the samba up and down the middle of the street as if he owns the cul-de-sac. I’ve kept watch at night from the bay window, spying on him skulking around by the lake out back. And I’m about ready to set some things straight with him, cat to cat. I am the alpha male around here! I’ll show him!
Mom fetched the cat food canister and her camera from the kitchen and went outside. I crept over to the door and noticed that she didn’t close the door the whole way. I poked my nose through the crack.
“It’s now or never! My chance to show that thug a thing or two…” I said, nudging the door open and stepping outside.
“You’re an idiot! You’ll never catch him,” deadpanned Jordan as I stepped outside. “And besides, Mom will grab your ass and throw you back inside.”
But that didn’t stop me. I stepped carefully out onto the front step, my senses heightened. I sniffed the air.
Yeah, I smell cats out here! Mom was nowhere to be seen, she was probably out snapping pictures of the sunset.
Just then, I heard a rustle in the bushes and blood-curdling hissing noise…. My heart was nearly pounding out of my chest. Then I saw a flash of black as that damn Shadow went rushing right by me, fast as a hurricane!
“HEY! You want a piece of me?!” I yelled as he scurried off. What a fraidy cat! He couldn’t even face me, cat to cat. I was actually feeling pretty macho…. that was until Mom appeared on the walkway, hands on her hips.
“HEY MISTERBUSTER!!!!! Where do you think you’re going?” She picked me up and carried me inside the front door, laughing and kissing me.
“No outside adventures for you, buddy. The last time you broke through the screened patio and ended up being scared of your own shadow!” Mom giggled.
“Busted!!!! Bwahahaa!” Jordan cackled maniacally.
Ignoring her, I jumped back up to the front window, only to see that thug prancing down the street as if he was the king. The sheer madness of it all!
“Damn! Look at him! He thinks he’s the king of the road!”
Suddenly, Mom’s singing voice jolted me out of my whirlwind of thoughts. TUNA? Did she say TUNA? As I scrambled out to the kitchen for my favorite snack, I realized how good I had it. Hey, at least those stray moochers don’t get the premium food. Ah… Starkist Albacore! Maybe I am Mom’s favorite, after all….
Yeah, a cat’s life is pretty good!
Tommy Breuning © 2011
June 9, 2011
SECRET BONUS POINT GUESSES:
Keg on the road, tap that, drunk driving, heiny-can, roll out the barrel, beer barrel polka, smashed, tipsy, tow away zone, hitching a ride, busted, no parking zone, what’s on tap, smashing fun, beer bust, cold one, one for the road.