Begin Again

Begin Again

clouds begin to break
in a torrent of cold rain
and searing heartache

tears render me blind
memories whirling, twirling
spinning in my mind

shadows from the past
words of you went through my chest
resolve fading fast

decisions confound
bumfuzzled, dazed and confused
search for solid ground

just where do I go
to heal this piercing sorrow
and when will I know

reaching past the pain
swallowing this bitter pill
to begin again

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2024
March 30, 2024

Happy Saturday, friends and family! This is a little dark haiku series inspired by some pieces of sad news I got this week. Don’t worry – I’m am doing fine.

First, I found out that a coworker lost her husband suddenly last weekend. We don’t know the details, but he was apparently not sick and just passed quickly. My heart aches for her in this loss – there are no words. The other day I emailed a client that I do quarterly work for. She and her husband had owned a long-time family store in West Virginia, and they recently closed to finally enjoy their retirement. She told me she had bad news, her husband died two weeks ago while attending their last work convention. When I relayed this information to the partner, he called me and told me that there had been some sort of altercation while at the convention.  Apparently another man pushed him to the ground, he hit his head and died! This completely struck me to the core and actually made me cry. I’ve never met the clients face to face, but hearing of his tragic death just hit me hard. To think you work so hard all your life, and then your life is cut short just two months into your retirement!

These things were on my mind, as I have tried to imagine how one carries on after losing a husband or partner. How do you find the strength to begin again? It is such a devastating loss, and it’s really been hitting close to home lately. As you get older, it seems there is more death around you.  It’s surreal and frightening at times, but I try to break out of those negative, morbid thoughts. Writing is one of my tools to release the overwhelming thoughts and anxieties in life.

Life is so fleeting and precious. I am so grateful for the wonderful husband and family that I have. My plan is to find joy in the small daily things and enjoy every single moment I have with them. Wishing you all a Happy Easter!

Xoxo,
Colleen

Ecrits Blogophilia Week 39.15 – Decisions, Decisions!
Hard Bonus: Include a lyric from Newfound Glory (“Shadow”; “words of you went through my chest”; “solid ground”)
Easy Bonus: Use the word “bumfuzzle”