self-care – Colleen Keller Breuning

Nature’s Calm

Nature’s Calm

Rain
brewing
in dark clouds
feeling washed up
and hung out to dry
doubt pulses through my veins
feeling sorry for myself
pondering my mere existence
all mistakes and regrets amplified
thundering loudly in my addled brain
wallowing and pathetic in my pain
I step outside and take a deep breath
inhaling sweet scent of wet grass
letting the rain soak my skin
doubling down on courage
I pick myself up
and let nature
instill deep
sense of
calm

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2023
May 6, 2023

Mood: Cloudy and Unsettled
Inspiration: Native American Flutes & Nature Sounds

Hello, all. It’s amazing how nature can instill a sense of calm when you are feeling down. We all have those days where we feel the weight of the world on our shoulders. We wouldn’t be human if we did not. So what to do? For me, it is to get out of my head and into nature.

I was feeling extremely out of sorts this week, like wet laundry hung out to dry. (Excuse the punny simile). I almost did NOT go out for a run on Wednesday evening. I was making so many excuses: it’s too cold, it’s windy, I’ve got too much work to do, I’m tired, etc. etc. However, I forced myself to because I was feeling down and being hard on myself. I just knew in my heart that a run would make me feel better. But I went through the motions, put on those running shoes and bundled up, even though it was looking like rain. What was the worst that could happen? Getting on rained on during a run? No biggie, I actually find it much more refreshing running in a light rain than running in hot weather. Having a thunderstorm kick up? Well, that has happened to me as well. Not a problem, the running trail is only 1 mile around the lake and a quick sprint via shortcut to the safety of my house.

I’m happy to report that nothing stopped me, not the wind, cold or the cloudy skies. In fact, I was so much better for forcing myself to do something I didn’t think I wanted to do – but desperately needed to do. While out there on the trail, I saw some amazing sights of nature. Herds of deer pausing to look at me as I ran quietly by. A green heron stalking prey. Flocks of swallows circling the lake in search of insects. A beautiful sunset peeking out beyond the billowing rain clouds. And it did sprinkle on me during my last lap of the trail, but it was light and invigorating. I felt so much calmer for getting out of the clamor of my negative thoughts. Thank you, Nature. I love you.

I hope you will remember to step out into nature whenever you’re down (even if it is just on your patio or porch). It’s a natural prescription, a refreshing margarita, or a depression remedy for those days when you are feeling blue. I hope you have a lovely weekend! Love you all!

xoxo Colleen

Ecrits Blogophilia Week 44.14 Topic: Hung Out to Dry
Hard Bonus: Include a double down
Easy Bonus: Drink a margarita

Caged Bird

Caged Bird

When daylight turns to darkness
Gray clouds of despair take wing
Shrouded in fear and sorrow
The caged bird cannot sing.

Drained of joy and self-regard
Feeling beat down, chained, confined
One step forward, two steps back
Dark thoughts tumble through my mind.

Don’t use your words as weapons
You have no power over me
Don’t try to crush my spirit
This caged bird will be free.

An angel comes to visit
In the shadows of the night
Releasing guilt and bondage
And the caged bird takes flight.

Step out of the cold darkness
Spread your wings and soar so high
A slave no more, flying free
Like a diamond in the sky.

Don’t use your words as weapons
You have no power over me
Don’t try to crush my spirit
This caged bird is finally free.

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2021
October 8, 2021

I wrote this poem for the Instagram group Her Growth Collective, @hergrowthcollective. I decided to combine the topics from the last two weeks – “Self-Regard” and “Guilt.” I had been working on this poem/song lyric for about a week. Tying in these prompts brought it all together.

Do you have low self-esteem or self-regard? Do you suffer from intense feelings of guilt?

I sure do! In fact, I think these two things tend to go hand-in-hand. I have a very bad habit of putting myself down, being hyper critical of myself or minimizing my thoughts and emotions. I can also remember always having this burning sense of guilt over something I did or did not do, even as a young child.

I am not sure if something happened in my childhood to cause this, perhaps being raised a strict Catholic and/or going to a Catholic school with nuns driving down this sense of guilt, shame and self-loathing. More likely it’s merely an inherited personality trait. These feelings intensified as I became an adult and multiplied exponentially once I became a mother. I think we all tend to put ourselves last, especially mothers. Self-care becomes an unreachable dream that we never seem to be able to achieve or make time for. It is always last on the to-do list.

Just one week ago, I left a job and organization which I truly loved after 8 years of dedication…. I will spare the details, but I had to make the choice to leave for personal reasons. It had simply become necessary for my survival. I finally had to put the oxygen mask on myself and practice self-care. Not to sound dramatic, but I am still in the early stages of decompressing. A plethora of emotions are swirling inside me, but I am finally free of certain things that had become extremely unhealthy and toxic to me personally. I am breathing easier and taking time for myself without any fears. I know my own self-worth and nobody else dictates that. I know that I deserve this. No need to feel guilty for finally taking care of myself first.

We all deserve to live a life free of emotional bondage. If you are suffering from low self-esteem or guilt that you can pinpoint on one thing in your life, do yourself a favor. Be kind to yourself. Set yourself free.

Colleen M. Breuning © 2021
October 8, 2021

Mood: Calm, Introspective
Music Inspiration: Olafur Arnalds “Only the Winds”