tears – Colleen Keller Breuning

Lone Jonquil

Lone Jonquil

The day grew cold, the west winds blew
snowflakes upon the windowpane.
My mind drifts back to yesterday,
anxiety pulsing through my veins.

I hear the hoot of the barn owl,
a haunting echo in the night.
Flashback scenes are taking me down
as my past traumas come to light.

Drying the tears
Taming the fears
Moving through the pain
Will things ever be the same?

Lone jonquil stands in fields of snow
as the sun breaks with vibrant dawn.
Like that flower, alone and brave,
I search for strength to carry on.

I hoped that things would get better,
prayed that I was through the sorrow.
Bury the past, with no regrets,
and hold on until tomorrow.

Drying the tears
Taming the fears
Moving through the pain
Things will never be the same.

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2024
March 2, 2024

Happy Saturday! I hope you’re having a great weekend. For some reason this week was a hard set of prompts for me. (Just couldn’t insert a stop sign into this poem, lol). Or maybe I was just in a mood listening to Radiohead and needed to spill a little dark ink. Or maybe it is just the taxing effect of tax season that drove me to write this, haha… In a nutshell, we all have fears, traumas, illness, stress, things from the past that haunt or trigger us. This is about putting those fears behind you and moving on, knowing that change is inevitable – like it or not. Whew, I feel better now!

We have noticed a few daffodils and jonquils that are actually starting to bloom, quite early this year! It has seemed like a colder winter, but we’ve had some 60 degree days in between that probably brought them to life. One good thing about this winter was the snowfalls have helped restore our neighborhood lake, which was drying up from last year’s severe drought. I am seeing more birds in the yard, the red wing blackbird and robins have returned, and the bluebirds are flirting and flitting around. In just one week, we’ll be setting the clocks forward and seeing more daylight as spring approaches!

Whatever season it is, I try to appreciate the beauty that can be found in nature. Instead of just hating and ranting about winter, why not try to look for the positive? You might embrace the comforts of a warm fire, gaze upon your cat napping, look for the artistry in the field of snow, prepare a hearty homemade soup, take solace in the twinkling stars in the cold night sky. That’s the way I see it…..but then again, I have always been that poet with rose colored glasses and big dreams. Some things never change! Have a lovely weekend.

Xoxo,
Colleen

Mood: Anxious
Inspiration: “Street Spirit (Fade Out)” by Radiohead

Ecrits Blogophilia Week 35.15 – Taming the Fear
Hard Bonus: Incorporate a homophone (pane/pain)
Easy Bonus: Include a stop sign

Washed Out to Sea

Washed Out to Sea

I sit upon the craggy rocks
Fluffy white clouds float by in flocks
The past, a distant memory
As the tide washes out to sea.

My heart feels hollow, left behind
Tears of sorrow render me blind
Whispers to heaven, fervent plea
As the tide washes out to sea.

Take me with you, far and away
To golden fields and jasmine sway
Our haven for eternity
As the tide washes out to sea.

I sit upon the craggy rocks
As the tide washes out to sea.

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2024
February 10, 2024

Hello everyone – hope you are having a great week! This was Writer’s Choice Week in Blogophilia, so I could write as my heart desired.

Next week marks the 21^st Anniversary of my father’s passing; he died of lung cancer on February 17, 2003. This poem is dedicated to him. The pain of losing him will never, ever go away. Dad was a “gentle giant” and my protector. He was the strong and silent one who was always looking out for me during my life, even when I didn’t want him to. Everyone loved and gravitated to him, especially babies and children. He was an inspiration for all his five children, and countless grandchildren. I miss his comforting presence, his voice, his hugs, his sense of humor, his hearty laugh, his love for life. I even miss his funny, prolific sneezes (he could sneeze like 15 times in a row)! Dad was a great cook, a bird nerd and a music lover, which I believe all of us kids inherited from him. For some reason, the past few weeks I have found myself thinking of him at the end of the day and releasing a few tears. He died far too young at the age of 68, and we all wish we had more time with him.

That said, I am instead trying to focus on the beautiful memories and the blessings that I have received from Dad throughout my life, which are plentiful. Some of the best memories I have are just of BEING with him…. going to work at the rail yards, playing ball in the backyard, watching the fireworks from our playroom window, summer nights sitting on the front porch, listening to music, watching hockey, driving trips, rocking on hotel porch chairs simply watching and listening to the ocean… He may not have been perfect, as we are all flawed in some way, but he was the perfect Dad for me. I miss you and love you, Daddy!

May you all have a Happy Valentine’s Day – remember to cherish those you love, and always take the opportunity to show them and tell them how much you love them!!! ❤

xoxo,
Colleen

Mood: Sad
Inspiration: “Dear Father” by Neil Diamond – Jonathan Livingston Seagull, Dad’s favorite

Ecrits Blogophilia Week 32.15 – WRITER’S CHOICE – Washed Out
Hard Bonus: WRITER’S CHOICE – Include your favorite flower (jasmine)
Easy Bonus: WRITER’S CHOICE – Incorporate floating clouds

Lost At Sea

Lost at Sea

The stars are falling cold
from the moonlit velvet sky
their light disappearing
into clouds of indigo.

Beyond the faded sun
the angry sea roils and churns
waves crash on craggy rocks
as a bitter wind blusters.

Memories crash and burn
as I sink into the void
forever lost at sea
a rogue letter gone missing.

Tears burn along my eyes
unleashing trail of sorrow
I brace against the pain
holding on until morning.

As a new dawn blossoms
I bask in your warm presence
as your soft voice whispers
my soul is renewed with hope.

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2023
December 2, 2023

Happy Saturday! Wow, I can’t believe it is already December. Where did this year go?

This poem was inspired by reading Dylan Thomas poetry. I was particularly struck by the line “the stars are falling cold,” and that got me thinking about my Dad and the void that I feel every holiday season without him here. Lately I am feeling my mortality watching the years rush by and seeing the aging process in my mom, my relatives and even myself. Sometimes it feels like I’m on the sinking Titanic, panic washing over me. It’s been extremely sad to see many of my relatives pass away during the last 15 years. There are so many fond memories of all of them, and I miss them deeply.

It’s that time of year when Christmas preparations are in full swing. I did a lot of Black Friday through Cyber Monday online shopping last week, avoiding the crowds at the stores. Since we’re traveling during the holidays, I am having many of the gifts shipped to Katie’s house so I can avoid overloading the car. That means I’ll have some wrapping to do when we arrive down there, but that’s okay.

Today it’s a foggy, relatively warm day. We plan to put up a few outdoor lights, but we’re scaling our usual decorating back since we’ll be gone for the last 10 days of December. I am doing some country country style BBQ pork ribs in the crockpot and rice/black beans for dinner. I am also hoping to get out for a run this afternoon since it’s going to hit 60 degrees.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend, and may you be filled with the spirit of the holiday season!

Xoxo,
Colleen

Mood: Introspective
Inspiration: “Woven Song” by Olafur Arnalds

Ecrits Blogophilia Week 22.15 – A Letter Came in the Mail
Hard Bonus: Quote Dylan Thomas (“The stars are falling cold” & “That burns along my eyes”)
Easy Bonus: Name a ship (Titanic)

Tide

Tide

I pray like falling rain and light
Hiding within shadows of night
Drowning in the shallows of pride
For I don’t want to fight this tide.

My veins pulse with a quiet dread
Clouds in my coffee and in my head
Unleashing all the tears I cried
For I don’t want to fight this tide.

High above, the sky is broken
So many words left unspoken
Release my fears, arms open wide
For I don’t want to fight this tide.

I pray like falling rain and light
For I don’t want to fight this tide.

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2023
January 21, 2023

Hello, family and friends. Sorry I’ve been a bit MIA. I’ve been offline much of the week due to work. I’ve worked more overtime the past month since my days in the 80’s working at Arthur Andersen & Co during tax season. Of course, that was 40 years ago when I was in my 20’s…. Suffice it to say, I’m exhausted – because I am, well…. older! My life is: Drink coffee, work, eat, exercise, drink wine and sleep. And repeat. That’s about it lately!

I’ve been trying to stick with a healthy diet through all this, and that has been tough. I have managed to resist the sweet treats and temptations at work, and at home. However, tonight after my 6 mile run, my body was craving some comfort food. So I whipped up a quick meal of Boboli pizza crust, with sauce, parmesan, mozzarella, freshly cut basil, green/red/yellow peppers and seasoning. Yum, and Dan was happy about that too! A guilty pleasure that was, but I think my body just needed some carbohydrates, even if they were not good ones. You just need to give yourself a break after eating oatmeal, salads and soup every day, ya know?

It was really nice this evening to exercise the right side of my brain with a poem. It was a stress buster. There actually haven’t been clouds in my coffee, there are NUMBERS in my coffee LOL!!!! I dream about processing 1099s, W-2s, 941s and running my 10 key calculator. I still have one, and yes, I tape footed numbers to my workpapers just like back in the 80’s. That’s how I roll. My eyes can’t take reconciling bank statements from a PDF online. I have to print them and tick off transactions. Yeah, I am old school.

Well, that’s all I got. Only 10 more days until January ends, then the overtime will ease a bit. I can do it! Have a great weekend.
xoxo Colleen

Mood: Exhausted
Inspiration: “The Sky is Broken” by Moby

Ecrits Blogophilia Week 29.14 Topic: Clouds in My Coffee
Hard Bonus: Incorporate a lyric by Moby (“I pray like falling rain and light;” I don’t want to fight this tide;” “the sky is broken.”)
Easy Bonus: Include carbohydrates

Washed Away

Washed Away

There is no calm
after the storm.
Waters recede,
the sun shines warm.

Foreboding clouds
have left the sky.
There are no tears
left here to cry.

All that we knew
was washed away.
Our rainbow hues
muddled to gray.

A sense of doom
at damage done.
Picking up pieces
we carry on…

Yes, we are alive
and we shall survive…

We shall survive.

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2022
October 1, 2022

It has truly been a week of introspection and tears. First and foremost, we watched the horrors of Hurricane Ian’s devastation, saddened for all of those affected by this monstrous hurricane. Seeing the images of the flood waters and winds destroying the beautiful southwest coastal towns of Florida was like a dagger to the heart. I cried at seeing the destruction of some of our favorite vacation places: Naples, Ft. Myers, Sanibel, Captiva Island… so many amazing memories made there! My heart is broken, as some lost everything, including their lives.

We are just so incredibly sad to see this happening. It will take many, many years (if ever) to rebuild. But I know how strong and determined Floridians are, having lived there for 24 years. Neighbors help neighbors during tough times! Still, it pains us to see these wonderful people suffering through these hurricanes. It was one of the main reasons we left, as it is a very stressful and exhausting experience to prepare for, weather and recover from a very destructive hurricane. I send prayers to all affected by this horrendous natural disaster, may you find strength to endure and may you recover power, your homes and be safe!

On a personal note, it was a very difficult week for me. Our well pump decided to break last weekend, at the most inopportune time…. right before my gall bladder surgery! That meant… no running water!! Our kind neighbors offered their shower to us for several days, which was a godsend. (Thank you for your kindness, Nikki and Jason!) The morning of the surgery, Dan dropped me off at the hospital and returned to the house to meet the well company. Our well is 1,000 feet deep, and they had to bring a huge crane into our septic fields without harming it. It took all day to pull up the destroyed pump and replace it. Then the next day the company came back to fix our filtration system, which also wasn’t functioning properly.

I am grateful the surgery went smoothly, and I am so thrilled to have running water again (with good pressure)! I am still recovering and trying to figure out what I can and cannot eat, which has not been fun…because I love to eat! Also I don’t like being physically restricted, and can’t wait to get back to my running and exercise regimen. I’ve been a little out of sorts this weekend as a result of everything. But feeling sorry for myself doesn’t cut it when there are other people suffering greatly in the world. So I’m writing to SNAP myself out of it. Sending good thoughts and prayers to everyone who needs it!

xoxo
Colleen

Inspiration: Enya
Mood: Sad

No Closure

No Closure

Your strangled voice echoed down the stairwell;
Horrific words, a dagger to the heart.
Like a heavy anvil, the sorrow fell…
A bone crushing weight that tears one apart.

Emotions scatter like leaves on the breeze;
A free spirit, you reveled in your youth.
Your beautiful soul riddled with disease…
We struggle to accept this painful truth.

No closure, not even one last goodbye;
Left behind, we fall to our knees and pray.
We trudge ahead as blinding tears slip by…
Down into the black void of yesterday.

Your spirit is released, forever free…
As we grieve and cherish your memory.

For my brother-in-law Bob … with love.

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2022
May 1, 2022

I have had writer’s block for an entire month, after learning of the death of my dear brother-in-law Bob on April 2. It has been a very difficult and painful month of introspection, prayers, and struggling to accept the reality of his sudden death. I will not speak to that, as it is far too difficult. It was even hard for me to post this over one month later….

Bob was Dan’s youngest brother, two years younger than me. He was brilliant, literally larger than life, a free spirit and was a bit of a rebel. He had zest and passion for life — loved nature, trees, animals, believed in Bigfoot, aliens. Bob was an amazing storyteller; he had a wonderful sense of humor and was so wonderful with children! He was very dear to both of my kids, and we all have such fond family memories of him in Michigan, Captiva Island, and Lake Tahoe. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life, than the times we spent with Bob. There were always pranks, laughter and a sense of light-heartedness when you were with him.

We had hoped to make it out to visit him at the home he built in Burnt Ranch, California. He was a living legend, very loved and well-respected in his community there. Our hearts are broken, we will miss him more than words can say, and we will always treasure the memories of him. Our love and sympathy go out to Bob’s wife Arlene, daughter Jessica and the entire family during this most difficult time.

xoxo Colleen

Sparks of Joy

Sparks of Joy

Soft
cuddles
blazing fire
tender kisses
watching snowflakes fall
by glow of Christmas tree
scent of pines and cranberries
taste of mulled wine upon my tongue
old Christmas carols fill the night air
bringing back memories from my childhood
past, present and future meld in my soul
each moment and adventure savored
grandbabies, travel, wine and love
my heart swells with gratitude
for the life we have made
forever as one
tears sting my eyes
and turn to
sparks of
joy

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2021
December 2, 2021

This Double Etheree format poem was written for the Instagram group @hergrowthcollective. The topic for this week is “What Brings Joy.” I believe that we can choose to experience joy every day, if we are willing to make the effort. Simply gazing at the sun beaming and reflecting off frozen pond waters is a joyous sight to behold. Even if there are clouds in the sky, the gentle pitter patter of rain on the roof brings comfort while nourishing the trees and grass outside.

Christmas and holiday seasons can bring out the best of all joys, though sometimes it can bring on sadness or melancholy. Remember this – the choice is yours. Meditate, think about all the blessings that you do have, and give thanks. Open your eyes and marvel at the simple beauty of the twinkling Christmas tree lights, or the candles on your menorah! No matter what life challenges you are facing at this time (and believe me, there can be MANY), make a commitment to yourself to seek out joy each day.

And here’s the really cool thing – YOU CAN BE THE SPARK OF JOY! Spread good cheer, give genuine thanks to the cashier at the grocery store, notice their name tag and SAY their name, wish them a happy holidays! Outside the store, put a few coins or bills in the Salvation Army kettle and give the ringer a big smile! You will feel your own heart swelling with joy…. it is contagious.

I’m not trying to be saccharine sweet, but really dig down into your heart and realize that despite all of your human wants and needs…. there is so much joy to behold in this world. Find it in your own life, and be that spark of joy. I wish you all a most beautiful and blessed holiday season!

xoxo Colleen

Mood: Joyful
Inspiration: Max Richter, “Dream 13 (minus even)”

Cloudburst

Cloudburst

There’s a low hanging kind of gloom
stretching across the twilight sky
like nefarious, ugly castaways
pregnant with foul regrets
truth tinged with suspicious lies.

A cold western wind rises up
and the clouds burst wide open
torrents of raindrops tilt sideways
a raging river in the asphalt
foils my ill-timed escape.

And I am running for my life
cries and curses drowned out
in deafening crashes of thunder
as lightning flashes around me
my heart pounding in my ears.

Suppressed anger pours out
secrets spilling to the soggy ground
tears dissolve in the sacred rain
my salt and bones buried deep below
ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

The trees sigh in collective exhalation
as my heart bleeds in rainbow hues
forbidden thoughts of malevolence
wiped clean from my furrowed brow
and the distant stars fade from view.

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2021
August 20, 2021

Mood: Stormy
Musical Inspiration: The Son of Flynn – Daft Punk/Moby Remix

Summer Storms

Summer Storms

Summer storms are coming,
I can feel them in my heart.
Hope melting in extreme heat
as the sky is torn apart.

Thunder rolls in deep and fast,
raindrops pelt my windowpane.
Lone raven struggles in the wind
and I’m channeling his pain.

Standing in the pouring rain,
crying out, what am I doing here?
Wash my sorrows into the ground,
dissolve my sins and tears.

Rising high above the stormy din
a distant voice is calling, calling.
But I don’t need a shallow hero
to catch me when I’m falling, falling.

Tell the truth, you never wanted me,
these ugly lies will shade your soul.
Once caught in your world of deceit,
but release will make me whole.

Did you ever think about the cost,
Or realize all that you lost?
Do you care, or do you even see?
Do you know what you’ve done to me?

Standing in the pouring rain
crying out, what am I doing here?
Wash my sorrows into the ground,
dissolve my sins and tears.

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2021
July 17, 2021

This is what happens on a stormy Saturday night when you’re listening to a playlist of mood music by Moby, Billie Eilish and other assorted artists and you decide to write a poem…. 😉

The Mourning Light

The Mourning Light

no sign of the sun
the morning is full of storm
framed by steel gray clouds

the heavens melt down
weeping angels fill the sky
shedding bitter tears

the mud and the roots
drown in relentless sorrow
shallow and hollow

restless winds of March
ruffle the raven’s feathers
ashes to stardust

sepia snapshots
the essence of life wavers
in the mourning light

Colleen Keller Breuning © 2021
March 5, 2021

Ecrits Blogophilia Week 52.13 Topic: Melt Down
Hard Bonus (2 points): Incorporate a line from a Pablo Neruda poem (The morning is full of storm; the mud and the roots)
Easy Bonus (1 Point): Include a character from Dr. Who (Weeping Angels)

Secret Phrase Guesses:

Mad Scientist
Kitchen Chemistry
Weird Science
Science Experiment
Back to the Future
High School Chemistry
Test Tubes
Wild Hypothesis
Love Potion #9
Crazy in Love

Topic: Christine Picture: Christopher